i want her to love me on purpose

I was so happy to hear her voice, I started crying, but took slow, shallow breaths so she couldn’t tell over the phone. She didn’t ask me any questions, so I wasn’t sure if she really wanted to know anything about my life since I got married and everything, but I told her anyway. I told her where I work and what job I have, because it has always been important to her that I have a career. I told her that I’m going back to school in the fall, because she always wanted me to continue my education. I told her that I have a red sofa and that sometimes I cook, but Noah usually cooks for our guests because I’m not very confident yet. I told her that she could visit any time, and that I would love to have her. I told her that Southwest and Jet Blue have really great prices on flights, and would she ever want to come down? I know she hates the cold, and it is very warm here. The beach is very close and she would like it.

She said: “I actually didn’t know it was you calling.”
Me: “I have the same number…”
“I just heard the ring. You and Bianca have the same ring.”
“Would you not have picked up otherwise?”
“Have I before?”

The answer is no; she’s been ignoring all my calls for the past 11 months.

I had been so happy to hear her voice, I started crying again, the kind where you stay very still and don’t move except for taking deep breaths that are hard to control and the tears cloud your vision and you just sit there, all alone on your red sofa, missing your mom.

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6 comments

    1. Thanks, Michele :)
      Sorry I didn’t get to talk with you yesterday! I wasn’t with Noah when he called you in the car. Saw the pictures; looked like a fun luau! :)

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  1. hugs, bethany. it feels like our 20s are partially about re-learning how to love our parents now that we’re post-college and “grown up.” i’m praying for your mom and for you.

    love!

    Like

  2. you are loved, you are faithful, you are courageous, you are a beautiful daughter. I am super proud of you …don’t get weary in well doing. in due time…you WILL reap your reward. You deserve a big one or lots of mini ones – you pick :-)

    Like

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