living my dream

For several years, Noah and I were in a dreaming season. We asked, “If resources were unlimited, what would our life look like?” At night, we drove to the beach with a cooler of beer & cheese and took turns sharing our heart’s yearnings. We gazed into the starry sky and across the endless horizon, exploring the infinite possibilities of life.

A year and a half ago, we began walking out some of our long-awaited dreams. We left Florida and moved west — closer to Noah’s parents and his two youngest sisters. Noah started his PhD in Neuroscience. I became a mother, completed my yoga teacher training, and launched a business. It has been quite a journey.

Sometimes you dream, and sometimes you work towards that dream. And it is work. I love motherhood, but my days can be long and tedious. I love my direct sales company, but the system can be inefficient and unsupportive. I love Colorado’s mountains and family-friendly culture, but I am still trying to create home, find belonging, and make friends.

I did not anticipate the transition to Denver would be this difficult. Life still feels unsettled, shifting — and maybe rightly so. Dreams unfold as life unfolds. My daily life may look monotonous, for the laborious actualization of one dream and the steady investment into the next is not for the faint of heart.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12) But before that tree is big and beautiful, its roots dig deep and there are little signs of life above the ground. In the beginning, from the outside, it seems that nothing is happening.

On the surface, I do not feel I am making much progress, but I know my roots are digging deep. Being confronted with the difficulties of how to live well in this hidden season has matured me in ways I did not know I needed. And instead of running away, I am more self-aware, receive more wisdom, and feel more free.

Living my dream is not a dream life. But I look at the snow-capped mountains and see grandeur. I look at my marriage and see a wonderful friendship. I look at my 10-month old and see joy. Hearing Atlas laugh and teaching him to walk — all of this is treasure. It is not always shiny, but it is still beautiful.

{Photo Credit: Jonathan Sharpe}

 

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9 comments

  1. You and your family can come share Thanksgiving with us. I am grateful for your blog and for your being so transparent in your walk with God. We have a two year old and a five month old and we live two and a half hours south of Denver at the foot of the Spanish Peaks and the Sangre de Cristos.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, you are so sweet!! Thank you so much for your kind offer :) We will be spending Thanksgiving with my in-laws in Cheyenne, but I would LOVE to get together sometime! Maybe on an upcoming Saturday? <3

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ok, November might be hectic since we have to move before December, but we can work something out. I’m in Denver every once in awhile too because my parents are up there. You can add me on FB if you have it: Amaya Cranston Engleking

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I know the feeling. Our time in ND felt that way to me. I pray that you continue to find joy in this interesting season and find the lessons God wants to teach you through it. You and your family are a blessing to us!

    Liked by 1 person

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